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Box Score
A strange and enjoyable weekend.

I went to Gainesville Thursday night and had a fun dinner with Erin and David. Highlights include "Lahwwa Koochowick" and David's sewer-smelling pasta.

Then, onto Max's and then Market Street and other bars with the boys... Highlights include:

  Being embarrassed into explaining the whole "Tuna Can" thing ("Yeah, sure, and I don't like Texas.")

  Getting my ass whipped at darts with a furious last-second charge by Damien and Nick

  Damien getting kicked out of Lillian's (a bar) about fifteen seconds after I walked in the door

  Calling Max a tool for being the only one not to think my "Don't tell me you've never wondered what Yoda's penis looks like." T-shirt is funny.

  Meeting a girl with the same last name as mine, whose sister's first name is also Erin. This is really only "notable," not "strange" or "enjoyable."

  Long talk with Shaun that had me driving home with a vicious headache at 6am.

  Lunch at the Mellow Mushroom and conversation which included these gems:

    "Well, I guess you'd call it ham."
    "Is that right? Did I say that right?"

    "Look, mom! I'm shrapnel! I'm shrapnel!"

    "If you take it on the one-hop, it's a debris wound, which is nowhere near as cool."

Getting home and feeling as if I'd been run over by a truck, and then had my lungs pulled out of my chest and beaten like a dirty carpet.

That pretty much covers it for Thursday-Friday. Saturday. That's a whole different story.

  Got up relatively early. For a weekend.

  Erin and I drove to Will and Cheryl's for a big barbecue party... these always go interestingly for me.

  Molly nearly cock-punched me when I opened their front door. Stupid dog's getting too heavy to jump at people like that.

  Whooo boy. Lots of beer.

  Shane bought a ridiculous number of fireworks. And the cops came, but too late.

  "Drunken tackle baseball" and almost killing the dog. My freakin' arm is still killing me.

  Shane standing on Will & Cheryl's roof. We played catch. Which was probably only amusing because we were drunk.

  Naked baby sprinkles the wheelbarrow. Which is not code for anything. That literally happened. Just missed sprinkling my leg also.

  Kristen repeatedly grabbing her boobs, and then saying, "I'm madly in love with my husband." Confusing, but funny. I guess that makes me "safe."

  Rodney "claimed" Erin (which is code... for pissing on her foot). If he ever did that to me, I'd turn him into a pair of black and white fuzzy slippers.

  Got my ass kicked at pool. By a girl. Real bad. But then she kissed me, which made up for it.

  Some dumb redneck fuck kept changing my music playlist... played all prototypical hyper-aggressive male shit like Led Zeppelin and Metallica. Not exactly "party" music. Somehow splattered beer all over my laptop screen. Thanks!

  Firepit in the back yard. Where there was not one earlier in the night. Will actually cut down a small tree to put in the fire. Then, while sitting on the empty keg, he kept asking, "Is the keg floated yet? Is the keg floated yet?"

  Dumbass neighbor asking people if they wanted to do some "yey," which is also code. If you don't know what for, I'm not telling. Anyway, we kicked his ass out, and, due to the drinking process, Will completely lost his inner monologue. Unbelievable as it may sound, saying, "I wonder if he has a gun" out loud to a whole house full of people who have been drinking for 8-plus hours can cause something of a panic.

  Because of the events described above, I nearly got my ass beat for ringing the doorbell.

  Making out on Will's couch. Apparently, this was utterly shocking to the rest of the world. Sorry, Erin.

  Passed out on the computer room floor. But not until I had hooked up my sleep machine, thankfully.

Sunday. Not really deserving of bold type, but whatever.

  Woke up. Wondered where the bears came from. Stupid bastards spent the whole night dancing on my head and shitting in my mouth.

  Doughnuts. Mmmmmmm...

  "Of all the people to be here last night, how is Chris the only one to hook up?" I'm not sure if I should, but I find that question a little bit insulting. Thanks Will. By the way, that makes me 2-for-2005 at parties at your house. Dick.

That about covers it. If I've forgotten anything, I don't know what it is. But I probably have. Good times.

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soundtrack: Me First & The Gimme Gimmies - Who Put The Bomp (In The Bomp, Bomp, Bomp)

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